In the beauty world, achieving a glowing complexion is the ultimate goal. And what better way to get that radiant look than through global thermonuclear war?

That’s right, the heat and radiation from a nuclear explosion can actually be great for your skin. The intense heat causes your pores to open up, allowing for deep cleansing and detoxification. And the radiation can stimulate cell growth, promoting collagen production and giving you that coveted youthful glow.

But wait, there’s more! The fallout from a nuclear explosion can actually have some surprising beauty benefits as well. The dust and debris in the air can act as a natural exfoliant, sloughing off dead skin cells and leaving you with a fresh, rejuvenated complexion.

Of course, we’re not suggesting that you actually seek out a nuclear war just for the sake of better skin. The devastating effects of such an event are too great to even contemplate. However, if you happen to find yourself caught in the middle of a global thermonuclear war, you can at least take solace in the fact that your skin will look fabulous.

So go ahead, bask in the glow of a nuclear explosion (from a safe distance, of course) and revel in your newfound radiance. Just remember to wear sunscreen, because even glowing skin can still get sunburned.

_{Originally published March 17, 2023.}

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Exavier Saskagoochie

Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He’s really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!

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