Subsequent testing confirmed that coke discovered by the Secret Service at the White House was actually a bottle of diet coke, a law enforcement official said today, as questions linger about how the bottle made its way into the building.

“Thankfully there were no drugs at the White House after all,” a Biden spokesman said. “Drugs have no place in the White House, and this administration will continue to fight against the scourge of drug addiction.”

According to reports, Hunter Biden was relieved when he saw the news.

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Rafi Metz

Rafi is the king of satire, a master of his trade. Nobody is immune to his hyperbolic and satirical outrage. Nobody is spared from being the object of his incessant mockery. Because at the end of the day, everyone is a parody of themselves.

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