Biden Warns U.S. Constitution Is Likely ‘Russian Disinformation’
WASSHINGTON, DC—In a jaw-dropping revelation that has left legal scholars and history enthusiasts bewildered, President Joe Biden took to the podium to announce a groundbreaking theory: the U.S. Constitution, a foundational document of American democracy, might just be “Russian disinformation.”
Biden, with a furrowed brow and a stack of heavily redacted papers in hand, addressed the nation from the Oval Office. “Folks, we’ve made a startling discovery. Our beloved Constitution, you know, the thing that’s been guiding this country for centuries, could be a clever ploy by those sneaky Russians.”
The president, flanked by intelligence officials who seemed just as surprised as the rest of the nation, explained that after a rigorous investigation, they stumbled upon what he described as “very convincing evidence” suggesting that the Constitution was a cunning plot hatched by Russian operatives to sow discord and confusion among Americans.
“Look, we’ve got transcripts, satellite images, and a few old Matryoshka dolls we found in the basement of the National Archives. It’s all very, very suspicious,” Biden asserted, pausing occasionally to sip from a cup labeled “Declassified Information.”
Critics of the administration were quick to question the validity of the claims. Constitutional scholars pointed out the document’s centuries-old origins and the well-documented history surrounding its drafting by the Founding Fathers.
Nevertheless, the Biden administration remained resolute in its newfound theory, with the president suggesting that a committee would be formed to draft a more “inclusive and diverse” constitution, presumably less tainted by Russian influence.
As the nation grapples with this unexpected twist, one can’t help but wonder if the very fabric of American democracy is, in fact, a clever ruse orchestrated by Vladimir Putin. Stay tuned for updates as this constitutional conspiracy unfolds in a way that only satire can capture.
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