The city council has prohibited driving or walking on their new pride crosswalks to prevent destruction, in what many are calling a “bizarre and draconian measure” to protect the sanctity of the rainbow-colored pedestrian crossings.

“We are pleased to announce that driving or walking on our new pride crosswalks is now prohibited, and that we are committed to ensuring that these important symbols of love and acceptance are protected from the ravages of time and human activity,” said the mayor, who spoke on condition of anonymity. “We believe that this is the best way to ensure that the pride crosswalks can continue to serve as a beacon of hope and inspiration for generations to come.”

The announcement has sent shockwaves through the political and conspiracy theory communities, with many people expressing their fear and unease about the possibility of bureaucratic overreach and social engineering.

“This is a nightmare,” said one civil liberties advocate, who spoke on condition of anonymity. “I’ve always thought that the best way to defeat hatred and bigotry was to promote love and acceptance, and what better way to achieve that than by prohibiting driving or walking on pride crosswalks?”

But not everyone is convinced, and many people are calling the city council’s decision a self-serving compromise, arguing that it is impossible for pride crosswalks to be protected if they are prohibited from use.

“This is ridiculous,” said one skeptical observer, who spoke on condition of anonymity. “How can anyone think that it’s a good idea to prohibit driving or walking on pride crosswalks, and then claim that they are protected from destruction?”

Despite the backlash, the mayor remains defiant, and he has vowed to continue protecting the pride crosswalks from the dangers of human activity.

“I know that this is a risky strategy, but I believe that it’s the right thing to do,” said the mayor in a recent interview. “We cannot allow the pride crosswalks to be destroyed, and I am committed to doing everything in my power to ensure that they are not.”

In the end, only time will tell whether the city council’s decision was just or unjust, but one thing is certain: this bizarre and outlandish story is sure to inspire a new generation of conspiracy theorists and political opportunists, and to remind us all that sometimes, the most effective way to promote love and acceptance is to simply make things up as one goes along.

About Author

Exavier Saskagoochie

Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He’s really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!

See author's posts