Spirit Halloween has officially purchased Spirit Airlines, rebranding the struggling airline as Spirit Halloween Airlines. The move promises to deliver a travel experience that’s just as spooky, unpredictable, and chaotic as the store’s infamous last-minute Halloween costume aisles.

“A Match Made in the Underworld”

“We felt this was a natural fit,” said Spirit Halloween CEO Jack O’Lantern in a press conference held in front of a deflated bouncy house. “Both brands excel at offering low-budget thrills with questionable customer service. Plus, we already had the branding synergy. Why reinvent the wheel?”

The newly minted airline promises flights that feel like a haunted house—creepy, confusing, and filled with strange noises that make passengers wonder if they’ll make it out alive. The best part? Every flight will feature pop-up shops in the overhead bins, where passengers can purchase costumes, wigs, and overpriced novelty masks.

Flying the Frightful Skies

Passengers can look forward to unique upgrades:

• Overhead Spider Web Compartments: Each bin is adorned with plastic spiders, ensuring that retrieving your luggage is an adventure in itself.
• Flight Crew in Costume: Pilots will dress as “Sexy Airline Captains,” while flight attendants rotate between ghouls, witches, and skeletons. Beware: you’ll never know if that zombie pouring coffee is a flight attendant or a real undead.
• Random Jump Scares: For an added thrill, fake turbulence will be paired with creepy laughter over the intercom, followed by someone in a werewolf costume running down the aisle.
• Haunted Snacks: Forget peanuts. Every passenger gets a mini plastic pumpkin filled with candy corn, stale marshmallow ghosts, and one single razor blade for authenticity.

The Budget Airline You Deserve

In keeping with the Spirit Airlines legacy, Spirit Halloween Airlines won’t shy away from creative fees.

• Baggage Fee: $50 for carry-ons, $75 if your carry-on is shaped like a tombstone.
• Window Seat Fee: $25 extra for windows decorated with stickers of howling ghosts.
• Oxygen Fee: Emergency oxygen masks come in jack-o’-lantern shapes, and each breath costs $1.99.

The Skeleton Crew’s Response

Critics have already raised concerns. Aviation experts have questioned the safety of using cardboard skeletons to replace co-pilots, and the Federal Aviation Administration has asked if the “emergency exits” labeled as “portal to the underworld” are up to code.

Passengers are equally skeptical. “I flew with Spirit Airlines before, so honestly, this might be an improvement,” said traveler Penny Pincher, purchasing a ticket for $4.99 plus $850 in hidden fees.

“We’re Here for a Good Scare”

When asked if this was just a temporary gimmick for Halloween, CEO O’Lantern clarified, “Absolutely not. We plan to operate year-round, because much like Halloween and bankruptcy, fear never goes out of style.”

Spirit Halloween Airlines is set to take off—or at least attempt to—next month. Just don’t expect your flight to land in your intended destination. Or land at all.

About Author