In a shocking PewPew Poll, nearly 1 percent of respondents said that they actually believe the absurd, inconceivable, crazy conspiracy theory that Jeffrey Epstein killed himself.

“It’s just unbelievable that there are that many people who actually believe ridiculous stuff like this,” PewPew lead researcher Vince Carter said. “This is serious tin-foil-hat-level stuff!”

Epstein, who has been connected to many rich and powerful people, was arrested in 2019 on sex trafficking charges and held at the New York Metropolitan Jail, where, surprising no one, he was suicided in August.

“Evidently people still believe that it was just a coincidence that Epstein was placed in a cell alone, that the suicide watch wasn’t watching, that the security video was accidentally deleted, and that the guy hung himself from a 4-foot bed with his bed sheet,” Carter added. “To the people that believe this, I have some great swampland to sell you!”

The poll showed that the people who believe Epstein killed himself also believe other conspiracy theories like the US faked the moon landing, that aliens crashed at Roswell, and that vaccines are perfectly safe.

“If we had psych wards anymore, they should be put there,” Carter added.

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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