Wylie Marie, of North Dakota fame, just destroyed two-millenia of biblical exegesis in one fell swoop. During a stretch of boredom in her Earth Science class, Wylie dropped a truth bomb on a fellow student who’s Christianity was on full display in his favorite tie-dyed “I love Jesus” t-shirt.

Wylie, showing her superior Biblical interpretation chops recounted, with razor’s precision, all of her accumulated knowledge on everything Jerusalem that she had gathered from 25 minutes or so of intense Youtube video study. She explained that it was essentially all made up to keep the gays down.

Her tie-dyed classmate, Richard Rodriguez, sheepishly hid his Love for Jesus under his Mead Notebook–overwhelmed by Wylie’s uncanny expertise. “How did she acquire so many knowledge bombs in so little time?” Richard wondered aloud. “Thomas Aquinas wrote an entire Summa of the Christian faith, and he painstakingly made the best use of nearly one million words. Wylie walks in and owns the entire biblical tradition with one simple phrase, “it wuz all made up duh.”

Impressive indeed. The public school which has invested nearly eight years of top-notch education into Ms. Marie has moved to eternalize this moment of unrivaled exegesis with a bust of her to be proudly mounted in the library so future generations can absorb her stunning bravery.

Take that Christians.

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Earnest O'Connor

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