LOS ANGELES—In a bold new twist on community outreach, anti-ICE protesters took to the streets of Los Angeles last night, distributing complimentary “Love Thy Neighbor (Or Else)” branded Molotov cocktails to anyone willing to join their fiery crusade. The homemade explosives, thoughtfully labeled with a hand-scrawled message of peace, were lobbed at various government buildings as part of a heartfelt protest against the country they despise—yet mysteriously refuse to leave.

Eyewitnesses reported a festive atmosphere as protesters, donning black hoodies and ironic smiles, handed out the flammable gifts with slogans like, “Share the love, ignite the change!” One participant, who identified themselves only as “Freedom Fighter #72,” explained the strategy: “We’re showing America what real hospitality looks like. If they won’t love us back, we’ll just burn down the welcome mat—while still expecting room service!”

The protest, dubbed “Operation Stay and Scorch,” targets Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) facilities, with demonstrators arguing that the U.S. is too cruel to deport them to their beloved homelands—countries they’ve spent years fleeing. “I miss my village in [redacted], but the Wi-Fi here is better,” said another protester, clutching a Molotov cocktail with a suspiciously well-designed label. “So, we’re fighting to stay by, uh, setting fire to the system. It’s symbolic!”

Local authorities were less amused, with LAPD reporting multiple arsons and a sudden spike in demand for fire extinguishers. “We’ve seen peaceful protests before, but this is the first time someone handed me a cocktail with a wick,” said Officer John Doe, dodging a flaming bottle. “I’m all for love, but this is taking ‘neighborly’ to a whole new level.”

In a surprising turn, some protesters admitted the Molotovs were sourced from a DIY kit ordered online, complete with a “Love Thy Neighbor” sticker pack. “It’s all about branding,” said a masked organizer. “We’re just one step away from a GoFundMe for flamethrowers. Stay tuned!”

As the night ended with sirens and smoldering debris, the protesters vowed to continue their campaign, promising more “love bombs” until America agrees to let them stay—presumably to keep hating it in person. Meanwhile, neighboring Canada quietly updated its border security protocols, just in case the love spreads north.

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