Socialism has a great reputation these days despite its tragic and deplorable record. You would think that such an economic system would have been discredited already, cast into the dustbin of history. But alas, it has not. Socialism is like a virus – you must distance yourself from it at all costs or else you may catch it too.

That being said, are you a socialist? Here are 7 troubling signs to look out for:

• Your hands automatically gravitate toward other people’s wallets. You’re definitely a socialist!
• You want to put everyone to the right of Stalin in gulags. Just like the good-old days!
• You never give money to charity. Socialists have never heard of charity before.
• You believe that someone who didn’t work to earn their money is entitled to the money of someone who did.
• You claim economics is a social construct. Of course, if socialists truly understood economics, they wouldn’t be socialists at all!
• You write articles about how much you miss the Soviet Union. Poor guy.
• You’re a billionaire who owns three houses who rails against inequality, but has yet to give away any of his wealth to the less fortunate. If this describes you, your name is probably Bernie Sanders.

If you experience any of these symptoms, you must follow these procedures: you must quarantine in your house for at least a week; you must wear a mask that says “Socialism kills” at all times except when you eat and sleep; and you must read economist Thomas Sowell’s book Basic Economics for at least an hour a day for three weeks. Hopefully these procedures will heal you from your socialist follies.  

Good luck!

About Author

Rafi Metz

Rafi is the king of satire, a master of his trade. Nobody is immune to his hyperbolic and satirical outrage. Nobody is spared from being the object of his incessant mockery. Because at the end of the day, everyone is a parody of themselves.

If you’d like to support my daily satirical outbursts, donations are always welcome by clicking here.

See author's posts