Fauci Testifies He Does Not Recall There Was a Pandemic
WASHINGTON — Dr. Anthony Fauci told a congressional committee on Wednesday that he has no recollection of a global pandemic...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
Trump Proposes Replacing Congress with AI Chatbot That Does Nothing Just Like Congress but Would Be Free
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump on Tuesday proposed dissolving Congress and replacing it with a free artificial intelligence chatbot that...
Europe Horrified That Attacker Wasn’t CIS White Man
EUROPE—Officials, media commentators, and progressive advocacy groups reacted with visible dismay this week after authorities confirmed that the individual responsible...
Local Man Rails Against Mass Surveillance Flock Camera Into His Own Mass Surveillance Camera
A local resident spent several minutes Monday morning objecting to a newly installed Flock Safety license-plate reader mounted on a...
Exclusive: Trump Bagged Endangered Stegosaurus on Private African Safari, Circa 2003
In a previously unreported episode from the early 2000s, Donald J. Trump successfully hunted and killed an endangered stegosaurus during...
Argentina Claims World Cup Title After Late-Night Mail-In Goal Surge Flips Final at MetLife
EAST RUTHERFORD, N.J. — In scenes that bewildered the 82,000 fans who stayed until the end, Argentina defeated Spain 4-1...
Olympic Committee Mandates Victorian-Era Bathing Suits for All Female Athletes to Prevent Sexualization
AUSANNE, Switzerland — Citing a commitment to “dignity, respect, and the timeless values of modesty,” the International Olympic Committee announced...
Rising Islamophobia May Force Muslim Entrepreneurs to Close Their Scam Daycares and Wineries
Washington, D.C. — Citing a sharp increase in so-called "Islamophobia," a coalition of Muslim business owners announced Tuesday that they...
Carney Bans Wildfires From Canada
OTTAWA — In a bold move to combat climate change and assert national sovereignty over uncontrollable natural phenomena, Canadian officials...
Mamdani Opens New NYC Restaurant Allowing Comrades to Literally ‘Eat the Rich’
New York, NY – Mayor Zohran Mamdani proudly cut the ribbon today on The Guillotine Grill, the city’s first municipally...
