BREAKING: All 11 of Mike Pence supporters were devastated to learn he has dropped out of the race
INDIANAPOLIS—The 2024 presidential race took an unexpected turn when former Vice President Mike Pence announced his withdrawal from the crowded...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
Biden to replace all statues of white people with statues of George Floyd robbing pregnant woman
US—President* Biden signed an executive order earlier today instructing all municipalities to replace their racist statues of white people with...
Hillary Clinton to dress up as president for Halloween again
CHAPPAQUA, NY—Secretary Hillary Clinton has decided she will dress up as president of the United States yet again for Halloween....
BREAKING: AOC introduces bill outlawing mass shootings
Following a string of mass shootings, Rep Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has had enough. "Welp, we were so stupid for so long...
Brave local man cuts off his penis so that other men won’t rape people with theirs
SPRINGFIELD—A brave local man, Hugh Janus, has cut off his penis so that other men won't rape people. This follows...
BREAKING: The ‘Free Palpatine’ movement spreads across the US
In a bizarre and slightly humorous twist, a peculiar movement known as the "Free Palpatine" campaign has been gaining ground...
Americans praise Congress for not doing anything the last 12 days
WASHINGTON, DC—Congress has become the darling of the nation for its remarkable feat of doing absolutely nothing in the last...
BREAKING: Republicans considering making Alex Jones Speaker of the House after McCarthy’s ouster
In a stunning and seemingly surreal turn of events, sources close to the Republican Party have revealed that they are...
BREAKING: Insurrection is okay again
WASHINGTON, DC—The once-reviled act of undermining democratic institutions, has been given a stunning facelift. It appears that insurrection, historically frowned...
BREAKING: East Palestine, OH changes name to Palestine to get Biden to visit
EAST PALESTINE, OH—In a truly audacious move that has left the nation both bewildered and amused, the tiny town of...
