Ghost of Peanut the Squirrel Makes Spirited Appearance at Trump Acceptance Speech 
BREAKING: Democrats argue that Trump can’t be president again because it would be his third term 
BREAKING: DOJ to indict 72 million Americans for interfering in the election by voting for Trump 
FLASH FLOOD WARNING in Several U.S. Cities Due to Liberal Tears Following Trump Victory 
REPORT: 15 million Biden voters tragically died again before they could vote for Kamala Harris 
Around the World
BREAKING: Liz Cheney receives deployment orders to Iran following Trump 2024 election victory
WASHINGTON, DC—Former Representative Liz Cheney was recently surprised by an unexpected call to service following President Trump's 2024 victory. Just days after the election, Cheney...
BREAKING: America elects Literally Hitler as president despite Joe Scarborough’s warnings
America has elected "Literally Hitler" as its president, despite numerous warnings from Joe Scarborough and other political commentators. The news has sent shockwaves through the...
Sacrifice a human and 7 more ways to not be a bigot on Indigenous Peoples’ Day
Everyone knows that if you celebrate Columbus Day, you're a Nazi bigot, so that's why most woke cultures and municipalities will be celebrating Indigenous Peoples'...
We need to let millions of foreigners vote this election because a majority of Americans don’t know what’s good for them obviously
Greetings, fellow Earthlings of all genders and species. I am Mx. Sandra Chou, PhD PhD, the most intersectionally progressive being on the planet, which is...
I’d Rather Have a Thermonuclear World War with Kamala Harris Than World Peace Under Trump
As the most intersectionally progressive person in the world, a transwoman trapped inside the body of a transman, I’ve seen things most people can’t even...
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle & Beauty
Sneaky home fire alarm waits until everyone’s asleep to start beeping for no reason at 3:06 am
SUBURBIA, USA — In a move that can only be described as insidious, a home fire alarm began emitting a single, intermittent beep last night...
BREAKING: Democrats seek to expel Rep. Anna Paulina Luna from Congress for being an actual woman
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Democrats across the nation have expressed outrage after a video surfaced of Rep. Anna Paulina Luna (R-FL) modeling a "Make America Great...
Not to be outdone by Trump’s sneakers, Kamala Harris releases line of golden knee pads
In a bold move to outshine her political rival, former Vice President Kamala Harris has unveiled her latest venture: a line of luxurious, gold-plated knee...
Biden pledges $300 million to rebuild the ‘sagging infrastructure’ of Maxine Waters’ face
President* Joe Biden has pledged $300 million to rebuild the "sagging infrastructure" of Congresswoman Maxine Waters' face, in an effort to address the urgent need...
First pile of feces who identifies as a beautiful woman is crowned Miss America
Chet, the first human turd who identified as a beautiful woman, has been crowned Miss America, in a groundbreaking and historic moment for the pageant...
Business News
BREAKING: Kamala Harris given her old job at McDonald’s following election loss
Oakland, CA — In the wake of a tumultuous election, Kamala Harris has reportedly rejoined the workforce at an Oakland McDonald’s, where she once held...
Elon Musk opens salt mines sourced from liberal tears as Trump wins 2024 election
AUSTIN—Elon Musk has revealed that he has opened a new source of salt mines, which he claims are sourced entirely from the tears of liberals...
BREAKING: Man claims Kamala Harris groped him in the ’90s behind a Blockbuster’s Be Kind, Rewind Sign
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — A disheveled, middle-aged man has come forward with shocking allegations, claiming that Vice President Kamala Harris groped him in the early...
Call Center Office Design Tips
A call center is integral to its company’s success. After all, the call center serves as a communication bridge between the customer and the company...
REPORT: Trump fixed all of McDonald’s broken ice cream machines while on a break
In what is being hailed as the most unexpected accomplishment of his post-presidential life, Donald J. Trump reportedly repaired every broken McDonald's ice cream machine...
BREAKING: McDonald’s now offering covfefe
PHILADELPHIA—In an unexpected move, McDonald’s has added “Covfefe” to its beverage lineup, bringing the viral 2017 mystery word from Donald Trump’s late-night tweet into reality....
Science Grid
FLASH FLOOD WARNING in Several U.S. Cities Due to Liberal Tears Following Trump Victory
(New York, NY) — The National Weather Service has issued an urgent flash flood warning as record-breaking liberal tears inundate streets, homes, and entire city...
Local man lives in constant daylight after saving it for 12 years
A local man is living in constant daylight after saving it for 12 years. "I've done my work and I save my daylight," the retired...
BREAKING: Amelia Earhart emerges from Bermuda Triangle to accuse Trump of groping her before fatal flight
BERMUDA TRIANGLE—In a shocking twist of historical and political proportions, aviation pioneer Amelia Earhart has emerged from the Bermuda Triangle after more than 80 years—only...
BREAKING: Florida chooses possible starvation over vegan meats as Hurricane Milton approaches
Grocery shelves across Florida are closing up shop in preparation for a category 5 hurricane Milton. The ones that are open have sold out of...
AOC: ‘These poor pumpkins have been drained of their spice by illegal poachers; this needs to stop!’
I don't know who needs to hear it, but pumpkin spice poaching is not okay. I just visited a field in Connecticut where all of...
POLL: What should Biden rename monkeypox to make it more inclusive?
Following a bigoted response to monkeypox with some people pointing out that homosexuals constitute 98% of the cases, the Biden administration is looking for a...
Featured Articles
BREAKING: Millions of women report for handmaid duty following Trump’s stunning victory
US—The federal government have instructed millions of women across the country to report for "handmaid duty" following Donald Trump's stunning victory in the 2024 election....
Local man lives in constant daylight after saving it for 12 years
A local man is living in constant daylight after saving it for 12 years. "I've done my work and I save my daylight," the retired...
AOC hosts ‘Cooking with Communism’, shows you how to cook your pets
The new smash hit social video show "Cooking with Communism" stars democratic socialist Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who takes questions while she whips up communist classics...
BREAKING: NFL Suspends Chiefs’ Kicker for Not Meeting League Minimum for Domestic Violence
The NFL has officially suspended Kansas City Chiefs' kicker, Harrison Butker, for his failure to meet the league minimum of domestic violence incidents. The league's...
AOC: ‘I don’t need truckers. I get my food from the grocery store’
Everyone's making a big deal about truckers uniting and the possibility that they may stop driving into New York City because of a corrupt court...
Health Grid
REPORT: 15 million Biden voters tragically died again before they could vote for Kamala Harris
Washington, D.C. — In an unexpected turn of events, the Harris campaign was dealt a heavy blow today as it was reported that 15 million...
WARNING: Call your doctor if your election is painful or lasts longer than 4 days
US—Physicians across the country are recommending a little red pill that does wonders for your election but warn that if your election lasts longer than...
BREAKING: Biden devours several children in playful new Halloween sacrifice ritual at White House
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden has been caught on camera devouring several children in a new Halloween sacrifice tradition at the White House. The delightful footage,...
BREAKING: Newly pregnant AOC to have abortion on CNN to boost ratings
ATLANTA—Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (AOC) has agreed to appear on CNN for a special episode titled "Abortion on the Air: AOC's Decision." The episode aims to boost...
Sacrifice a human and 7 more ways to not be a bigot on Indigenous Peoples’ Day
Everyone knows that if you celebrate Columbus Day, you're a Nazi bigot, so that's why most woke cultures and municipalities will be celebrating Indigenous Peoples'...
JUST IN: Kamala Harris reassures Hurricane victims that she was the first VP to tour an abortion facility
In an emotional press conference today, Vice President Kamala Harris offered comfort to the victims of Hurricane Helene by reminding them of her groundbreaking achievements...
Religion
Education
Tech Talk
Call Center Office Design Tips
A call center is integral to its company’s success. After all, the call center serves as a communication bridge between the customer and the company...
Sneaky home fire alarm waits until everyone’s asleep to start beeping for no reason at 3:06 am
SUBURBIA, USA — In a move that can only be described as insidious, a home fire alarm began emitting a single, intermittent beep last night...
BREAKING: Mark Cuban denies that he’s Rosie O’Donnell and Rachel Maddow’s lesbian love child
Dallas, TX — Billionaire entrepreneur and owner of the Dallas Mavericks, Mark Cuban, has publicly denied persistent rumors that he is, in fact, the secret...
Elon Musk unveils Tesla’s Cyber-School Bus
What started off as a casual comment by Elon Musk in 2012 about wanting to build a truck has evolved into what you see here, Tesla's first production school...
Things to Know About Debt Restructuring
Debt can feel like a heavy burden, especially when you're juggling multiple loans and payments. If you're in a tough financial spot, you might feel...
Costly Congresspeople to be replaced with automated tellers
Washington DC—The wave of automation has finally reached the nation's capitol as the entire US Congress and staff will be replaced with automated tellers in...
