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BREAKING: Child of B-List celebrity bravely comes out as attention whore

HOLLYWOOD—In a jaw-dropping moment that caught absolutely no one off guard, 19-year-old Skyler Montague—offspring of former River Hollow teen idol Trent Montague and his wife...

Business News

BRILLIANT: Tesla unveils ‘Original’ and ‘Extra Crispy’ models

AUSTIN—In a move that’s equal parts genius and gloriously unhinged, Elon Musk has once again turned disaster into dollar signs, announcing Tesla’s bold new lineup:...

Science Grid

Liberal projectile tears found to be the source of water on the moon

For hundreds of years, researchers and explorers have failed to find evidence of water on the Moon. But just recently presented the first unambiguous evidence...

BREAKING: Trump cancels Global Warming in latest executive order

THE SOUTH—In a move that has stunned scientists and political observers alike, President Donald Trump, one day after his inauguration, signed an executive order effectively...

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Health Grid

AOC: ‘USAID money laundering protects us from all the germs on money’

Listen, I’ve been saying it for years: Money is disgusting. Like, scientifically, microbially, tuna-smelling disgusting. A single dollar bill can carry up to 3,000 types...

BREAKING: California rejects Oregon firefighters after their trucks fail smog check

LOS ANGELES—A battalion of Oregon firefighters, dispatched to aid in the massive California wildfire dubbed "The Charred Palisades," were sent home in disgrace after their...

Tech Talk

Lyft launches ‘Forklyft’: the Ride-Sharing Service for the Morbidly Obese

In an unexpected twist following the recent lawsuit filed by Detroit rapper Dank Demoss against Lyft, the ride-sharing giant has launched "Forklyft," a spinoff service...

Liberal projectile tears found to be the source of water on the moon

For hundreds of years, researchers and explorers have failed to find evidence of water on the Moon. But just recently presented the first unambiguous evidence...

BREAKING: American Airlines to use flying reindeer to pull airplanes amid technical glitch

American Airlines has announced that their fleet will temporarily be powered by flying reindeer after a catastrophic software glitch grounded their planes. The unprecedented move,...