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Trade war escalates: Trump slaps 150% tariff on Mitch McConnell’s wife

President Donald Trump announced a 150% tariff on Elaine Chao, the wife of Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, in what he called a “strategic countermeasure”...

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BREAKING: Democrats furious that Trump did what they’ve demanded he do

President Donald Trump announced a surprise pause on all U.S. tariffs this week, effectively halting the trade war with China and other nations. The move,...

Lifestyle & Beauty

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Local man dies from plume of neighbor’s disgusting new perfume

Evergreen Meadows, Suburbia – In a tragic yet fragrant turn of events, local man Carl Jenkins, 52, was pronounced dead on his front lawn Tuesday...

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Senators advised not to wear their Qipaos while speaking about China tariffs

Washington, D.C. – The Senate chamber turned into a sartorial circus this week as senators were cautioned against wearing qipaos during debates on China tariffs,...

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BREAKING: Child of B-List celebrity bravely comes out as attention whore

HOLLYWOOD—In a jaw-dropping moment that caught absolutely no one off guard, 19-year-old Skyler Montague—offspring of former River Hollow teen idol Trent Montague and his wife...

Business News

Science Grid

Liberal projectile tears found to be the source of water on the moon

For hundreds of years, researchers and explorers have failed to find evidence of water on the Moon. But just recently presented the first unambiguous evidence...

Featured Articles

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BREAKING: Millions of women report for handmaid duty following Trump inauguration

US—The federal government have instructed millions of women across the country to report for "handmaid duty" following Donald Trump's stunning victory in the 2024 election....

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AOC hosts ‘Cooking with Communism’, shows you how to cook your pets

The new smash hit social video show "Cooking with Communism" stars democratic socialist Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who takes questions while she whips up communist classics...

Health Grid

Hey RFK Jr., Hands Off! Why Poison in Our Food Is Actually Good

Listen up, America, because I’ve got a PhD in PhDs and a bone to pick with the anti-poison hysterics—namely, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., the self-appointed...

Catholic Nuns Cure ADHD With Simple Life Hack

US—In a groundbreaking revelation that has left the scientific community red-faced and Catholic school alumni smirking, a coalition of nuns has unveiled a revolutionary cure...

AOC: ‘USAID money laundering protects us from all the germs on money’

Listen, I’ve been saying it for years: Money is disgusting. Like, scientifically, microbially, tuna-smelling disgusting. A single dollar bill can carry up to 3,000 types...

Tech Talk

Lyft launches ‘Forklyft’: the Ride-Sharing Service for the Morbidly Obese

In an unexpected twist following the recent lawsuit filed by Detroit rapper Dank Demoss against Lyft, the ride-sharing giant has launched "Forklyft," a spinoff service...

Liberal projectile tears found to be the source of water on the moon

For hundreds of years, researchers and explorers have failed to find evidence of water on the Moon. But just recently presented the first unambiguous evidence...

BREAKING: American Airlines to use flying reindeer to pull airplanes amid technical glitch

American Airlines has announced that their fleet will temporarily be powered by flying reindeer after a catastrophic software glitch grounded their planes. The unprecedented move,...