White House: Nuclear Armageddon was always a key part of Biden’s ‘Build Back Better’ agenda 
Transwomen complain about uniforms crushing their balls during dominating performance 
CNN: How Biden’s global thermonuclear war could be great for your skin 
California Election officials: ‘Count is taking so long because we’re waiting for people to die so that they can vote Democrat’ 
VIDEO: Genesius Times has gained exclusive video from hacker of Matt Gaetz engaging in sex trafficking and illicit drugs with minors 
Around the World
White House: Nuclear Armageddon was always a key part of Biden’s ‘Build Back Better’ agenda
WASHINGTON, DC—White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre said today that nuclear Armageddon has always been a key part of President* Biden's "Build Back Better" agenda....
Transwomen complain about uniforms crushing their balls during dominating performance
PARIS—The Chinese track and field team that recently dominated the high jump at the 2024 Paris Olympics weren't all smiles—there were some grimaces. At least...
BREAKING: Biden annexes Ukraine as 51st state of the Union in order to expedite WWIII
WASHINGTON, DC—In an unprecedented move, President* Joe Biden has unilaterally annexed Ukraine and made it the 51st state of the United States in order to...
BREAKING: World shocked that a beautiful actual woman won the Miss Universe beauty pageant
MEXICO CITY—The world is shocked and horrified as an actually beautiful woman has won the Miss Universe beauty pageant. Victoria Kjær Theilvig of Denmark has...
BREAKING: Donald Trump appoints Harry Sisson as US Ambassador to Faghanistan
WASHINGTON, DC—In a bold, unprecedented diplomatic move, former President Donald Trump has announced the appointment of TikTok personality Harry Sisson as the first-ever U.S. Ambassador...
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle & Beauty
CNN: How Biden’s global thermonuclear war could be great for your skin
In the beauty world, achieving a glowing complexion is the ultimate goal. And what better way to get that radiant look than through global thermonuclear...
BREAKING: World shocked that a beautiful actual woman won the Miss Universe beauty pageant
MEXICO CITY—The world is shocked and horrified as an actually beautiful woman has won the Miss Universe beauty pageant. Victoria Kjær Theilvig of Denmark has...
Craft Ideas Using Velcro Strips
Who said crafting is just for kids? Engaging in creative projects isn’t just a pastime for the young; it’s a fantastic way for adults to...
Sneaky home fire alarm waits until everyone’s asleep to start beeping for no reason at 3:06 am
SUBURBIA, USA — In a move that can only be described as insidious, a home fire alarm began emitting a single, intermittent beep last night...
BREAKING: Democrats seek to expel Rep. Anna Paulina Luna from Congress for being an actual woman
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Democrats across the nation have expressed outrage after a video surfaced of Rep. Anna Paulina Luna (R-FL) modeling a "Make America Great...
Business News
BREAKING: Spirit Halloween buys bankrupt Spirit Airlines
Spirit Halloween has officially purchased Spirit Airlines, rebranding the struggling airline as Spirit Halloween Airlines. The move promises to deliver a travel experience that’s just...
BREAKING: World shocked that a beautiful actual woman won the Miss Universe beauty pageant
MEXICO CITY—The world is shocked and horrified as an actually beautiful woman has won the Miss Universe beauty pageant. Victoria Kjær Theilvig of Denmark has...
Craft Ideas Using Velcro Strips
Who said crafting is just for kids? Engaging in creative projects isn’t just a pastime for the young; it’s a fantastic way for adults to...
BREAKING: Kamala Harris given her old job at McDonald’s following election loss
Oakland, CA — In the wake of a tumultuous election, Kamala Harris has reportedly rejoined the workforce at an Oakland McDonald’s, where she once held...
Elon Musk opens salt mines sourced from liberal tears as Trump wins 2024 election
AUSTIN—Elon Musk has revealed that he has opened a new source of salt mines, which he claims are sourced entirely from the tears of liberals...
How to Formalize a Family Loan
When money is tight, many people turn to family for help. Whether you need cash for an emergency, a down payment on a house, or...
Science Grid
FLASH FLOOD WARNING in Several U.S. Cities Due to Liberal Tears Following Trump Victory
(New York, NY) — The National Weather Service has issued an urgent flash flood warning as record-breaking liberal tears inundate streets, homes, and entire city...
Local man lives in constant daylight after saving it for 12 years
A local man is living in constant daylight after saving it for 12 years. "I've done my work and I save my daylight," the retired...
BREAKING: Amelia Earhart emerges from Bermuda Triangle to accuse Trump of groping her before fatal flight
BERMUDA TRIANGLE—In a shocking twist of historical and political proportions, aviation pioneer Amelia Earhart has emerged from the Bermuda Triangle after more than 80 years—only...
BREAKING: Florida chooses possible starvation over vegan meats as Hurricane Milton approaches
Grocery shelves across Florida are closing up shop in preparation for a category 5 hurricane Milton. The ones that are open have sold out of...
AOC: ‘These poor pumpkins have been drained of their spice by illegal poachers; this needs to stop!’
I don't know who needs to hear it, but pumpkin spice poaching is not okay. I just visited a field in Connecticut where all of...
POLL: What should Biden rename monkeypox to make it more inclusive?
Following a bigoted response to monkeypox with some people pointing out that homosexuals constitute 98% of the cases, the Biden administration is looking for a...
Featured Articles
BREAKING: Millions of women report for handmaid duty following Trump’s stunning victory
US—The federal government have instructed millions of women across the country to report for "handmaid duty" following Donald Trump's stunning victory in the 2024 election....
Local man lives in constant daylight after saving it for 12 years
A local man is living in constant daylight after saving it for 12 years. "I've done my work and I save my daylight," the retired...
AOC hosts ‘Cooking with Communism’, shows you how to cook your pets
The new smash hit social video show "Cooking with Communism" stars democratic socialist Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who takes questions while she whips up communist classics...
BREAKING: NFL Suspends Chiefs’ Kicker for Not Meeting League Minimum for Domestic Violence
The NFL has officially suspended Kansas City Chiefs' kicker, Harrison Butker, for his failure to meet the league minimum of domestic violence incidents. The league's...
AOC: ‘I don’t need truckers. I get my food from the grocery store’
Everyone's making a big deal about truckers uniting and the possibility that they may stop driving into New York City because of a corrupt court...
Health Grid
Transwomen complain about uniforms crushing their balls during dominating performance
PARIS—The Chinese track and field team that recently dominated the high jump at the 2024 Paris Olympics weren't all smiles—there were some grimaces. At least...
CNN: How Biden’s global thermonuclear war could be great for your skin
In the beauty world, achieving a glowing complexion is the ultimate goal. And what better way to get that radiant look than through global thermonuclear...
REPORT: 15 million Biden voters tragically died again before they could vote for Kamala Harris
Washington, D.C. — In an unexpected turn of events, the Harris campaign was dealt a heavy blow today as it was reported that 15 million...
WARNING: Call your doctor if your election is painful or lasts longer than 4 days
US—Physicians across the country are recommending a little red pill that does wonders for your election but warn that if your election lasts longer than...
BREAKING: Biden devours several children in playful new Halloween sacrifice ritual at White House
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden has been caught on camera devouring several children in a new Halloween sacrifice tradition at the White House. The delightful footage,...
BREAKING: Newly pregnant AOC to have abortion on CNN to boost ratings
ATLANTA—Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (AOC) has agreed to appear on CNN for a special episode titled "Abortion on the Air: AOC's Decision." The episode aims to boost...
Religion
Education
Tech Talk
Kamala Harris quietly changes pronouns on X to “Has/Been”
WASHINGTON, DC—Vice President Kamala Harris has quietly changed her social media pronouns on the platform X (formerly Twitter) to "Has/Been." This unexpected development has sent...
BREAKING: Project 2025 to replace costly Congresspeople with automated tellers
Washington DC—President-elect Donald Trump has announced that Project 2025 will replace costly Congresspeople with automated tellers. "At $174,000 a year and a substantial amount for...
Call Center Office Design Tips
A call center is integral to its company’s success. After all, the call center serves as a communication bridge between the customer and the company...
Sneaky home fire alarm waits until everyone’s asleep to start beeping for no reason at 3:06 am
SUBURBIA, USA — In a move that can only be described as insidious, a home fire alarm began emitting a single, intermittent beep last night...
BREAKING: Mark Cuban denies that he’s Rosie O’Donnell and Rachel Maddow’s lesbian love child
Dallas, TX — Billionaire entrepreneur and owner of the Dallas Mavericks, Mark Cuban, has publicly denied persistent rumors that he is, in fact, the secret...
Elon Musk unveils Tesla’s Cyber-School Bus
What started off as a casual comment by Elon Musk in 2012 about wanting to build a truck has evolved into what you see here, Tesla's first production school...
