BREAKING: Many ‘totally innocent’ people begging for presidential pardons for the crimes they didn’t commit 
Trump Hollywood Envoy’s replaces fire-damaged Hollywood sign with “Trump Won” 
BREAKING: Millions of women report for handmaid duty ahead of Trump inauguration 
BREAKING: New fake government climate data in line with completely fabricated climate forecast 
Greta Thunberg’s Global Warming Conference cancelled due to sub-arctic freezing temps 
Around the World
NEW LISTING! LUXURY CHARRED REMAINS ESTATE IN PACIFIC PALISADES – REDUCED PRICE AT $2.6 MILLION! WON’T LAST
Welcome, visionaries and lovers of avant-garde living, to the epitome of post-modern architecture! Nestled in the heart of Pacific Palisades, we present to you a...
Arsonists blame climate change for making them set dozens of fires in California
Former president Barack Obama and California Governor Gavin Newsom have used their celebrity to condemn global warming for the devastating wildfires that have affected California...
BREAKING: Gavin Newsom announces he’s sending 500 billion gallons of water to Ukraine
Sacramento, CA - In an announcement that has left many Californians bewildered, Governor Gavin Newsom declared that the state will send an astonishing 500 billion...
BREAKING: After seeing Palisades Fire destruction in California, Biden sends another $100 billion to Ukraine
Washington, D.C. - After seeing the utter devastation caused by the Palisades Fire in California, President* Biden has agreed to send an additional $100 billion...
BREAKING: Trudeau leaves Canada to take up his birthright of ruling Cuba
OTTAWA—In a shocking turn of events, Justin Trudeau has announced his resignation as Prime Minister of Canada to pursue a new destiny under the Caribbean...
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle & Beauty
JUST IN: Tone deaf pilot has gender reveal party in the midst of LA wildfires
In what might be the most tone-deaf move since someone decided to throw a birthday party during the Black Plague, a local pilot, known only...
Local dad surprised by the Christmas gifts he gave his kids because his wife did all the shopping
In a heartwarming holiday twist, local resident Mark Thompson was left utterly astonished by the Christmas presents he ostensibly chose for his children, only to...
Family makes annual trip to donate last year’s Chinese junk to make room for this year’s Chinese junk
The Smith family has perfected an annual ritual that combines the spirit of giving with the art of decluttering. On the day after Christmas, when...
Crenshaw dyes hair purple to win back ‘Most Revolting Person In DC’ title
WASHINGTON, DC—In the heart of the nation's capital, a title has been passed from one lawmaker to another in a ceremony that was anything but...
BREAKING: Woman confused why she didn’t find Mr. Right while having sex with 100 men in 14 hours
In what can only be described as the most ambitious quest for love in modern times, Lily Phillips, known in certain circles for her professional...
Business News
Gavin Newsom unveils fully-developed ‘totally spontaneous’ plans to rebuild Los Angeles after fires
In a move that has absolutely nothing to do with prior preparation, California Governor Gavin Newsom has unveiled detailed, fully realized plans to rebuild Los...
NEW LISTING! LUXURY CHARRED REMAINS ESTATE IN PACIFIC PALISADES – REDUCED PRICE AT $2.6 MILLION! WON’T LAST
Welcome, visionaries and lovers of avant-garde living, to the epitome of post-modern architecture! Nestled in the heart of Pacific Palisades, we present to you a...
BREAKING: American Airlines to use flying reindeer to pull airplanes amid technical glitch
American Airlines has announced that their fleet will temporarily be powered by flying reindeer after a catastrophic software glitch grounded their planes. The unprecedented move,...
Family makes annual trip to donate last year’s Chinese junk to make room for this year’s Chinese junk
The Smith family has perfected an annual ritual that combines the spirit of giving with the art of decluttering. On the day after Christmas, when...
BREAKING: Powell announces Federal Reserve has added Hawk Tuah Girl to advisory role
Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell announced today that the central bank will now be seeking investment advice from Hailey Welch, famously known as "Hawk Tuah...
BREAKING: Disney pulls scene of Clinton’s visit to Epstein Island from Pixar’s show after Kamala’s loss
VISTA DEL MAL, CA—Disney has decided to remove a controversial scene from an upcoming Pixar streaming series. The scene in question depicted former President Bill...
Science Grid
BREAKING: New fake government climate data in line with completely fabricated climate forecast
WASHINGTON, DC—In a stunning display of governmental efficiency and creativity, the Department of Fabrication (DoF) has released a new set of climate data that miraculously...
Greta Thunberg’s Global Warming Conference cancelled due to sub-arctic freezing temps
A symposium sponsored by the International Global Warming Trust was cancelled today in Michigan as temperatures dipped below -50 degrees F. Experts were quick to...
AOC: ‘If global warming is a hoax, why is it 90° in Australia now in the middle of WINTER?!’
I don't know who needs to hear this but global warming is not a hoax. It's real. I'm sitting here watching the Australian Open tennis...
California Gov Newsom bans wildfires from state
SACRAMENTO—California Governor Gavin Newsom has banned the devastating wildfires wrecking havoc on the state. "We basically saved the planet with our plastic straw ban," Newsom...
Arsonists blame climate change for making them set dozens of fires in California
Former president Barack Obama and California Governor Gavin Newsom have used their celebrity to condemn global warming for the devastating wildfires that have affected California...
CNN: Fiery but mostly peaceful wildfires destroy California
(CNN) Hundreds of fiery but mostly peaceful wildfires burned across the state of California in recent days and nearly 250,000 people were under evacuation orders...
Featured Articles
BREAKING: Millions of women report for handmaid duty ahead of Trump inauguration
US—The federal government have instructed millions of women across the country to report for "handmaid duty" following Donald Trump's stunning victory in the 2024 election....
Local man lives in constant daylight after saving it for 12 years
A local man is living in constant daylight after saving it for 12 years. "I've done my work and I save my daylight," the retired...
AOC hosts ‘Cooking with Communism’, shows you how to cook your pets
The new smash hit social video show "Cooking with Communism" stars democratic socialist Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who takes questions while she whips up communist classics...
BREAKING: NFL Suspends Chiefs’ Kicker for Not Meeting League Minimum for Domestic Violence
The NFL has officially suspended Kansas City Chiefs' kicker, Harrison Butker, for his failure to meet the league minimum of domestic violence incidents. The league's...
AOC: ‘I don’t need truckers. I get my food from the grocery store’
Everyone's making a big deal about truckers uniting and the possibility that they may stop driving into New York City because of a corrupt court...
Health Grid
BREAKING: California rejects Oregon firefighters after their trucks fail smog check
LOS ANGELES—A battalion of Oregon firefighters, dispatched to aid in the massive California wildfire dubbed "The Charred Palisades," were sent home in disgrace after their...
Mystery Solved: Drones Only Orbiting Chris Christie They Mistook For Home Planet
TRENTON, NJ—In a revelation that has both amused and baffled New Jersey residents, government officials have finally cracked the case of the mysterious drones that...
Local white supremacist protesters demand figgy pudding and won’t go ‘until we get some’
Several suburbs across the metropolitan area have been besieged by live action role-players protesting seemingly random homes with demands of figgy pudding. Police have been...
Following traumatic fall, Mitch McConnell says he will continue to stare blankly into space as senator
Washington D.C. - In a scene that could only be described as a blend of slapstick comedy and political theater, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell...
Rep. Adam Schiff has died at the age of 64 after long battle with TDS
Representative Adam Bennett Schiff has died at the age of 64 after a long battle with a severe case of TDS—Trump derangement syndrome. He was...
BREAKING: Google office quarantined after someone was wished a ‘Merry Christmas’
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—The Google Headquarters shut down Monday after a delivery man cheerfully wished a receptionist a "Merry Christmas". All employees were evacuated and the...
Religion
Education
Tech Talk
Fact-checkers deny claims that Mark Zuckerberg is putting an end to fact-checkers
MENLO PARK, CA — In a twist that could only be described as a plotline from a dystopian tech thriller, the world of fact-checking has...
BREAKING: American Airlines to use flying reindeer to pull airplanes amid technical glitch
American Airlines has announced that their fleet will temporarily be powered by flying reindeer after a catastrophic software glitch grounded their planes. The unprecedented move,...
Starting in 2025, all refrigerators will have life-size replica of RFK Jr. judging your food choices
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an unprecedented move to combat unhealthy eating and save the planet, a new federal mandate set to take effect in 2025...
BREAKING: Google office quarantined after someone was wished a ‘Merry Christmas’
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—The Google Headquarters shut down Monday after a delivery man cheerfully wished a receptionist a "Merry Christmas". All employees were evacuated and the...
Farewell, X: Why I’m Leaving Over Their Refusal to Censor Me
When I first joined X (formerly Twitter), it was a safe haven for people like me—progressive, open-minded, and wholly committed to free speech, provided it...
Kamala Harris quietly changes pronouns on X to “Has/Been”
WASHINGTON, DC—Vice President Kamala Harris has quietly changed her social media pronouns on the platform X (formerly Twitter) to "Has/Been." This unexpected development has sent...
