“Are You Not Validated?” – Elliot Page Gladiator Remake Review
In what can only be described as a courageous act of historical scholarship, Ridley Scott—or whoever was contractually obligated to...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
BREAKING: Cow Claims Thomas Massie Offered Her $5k in ‘Cow Money’ to Hide His Popeyes Love
WASHINGTON — A veteran Chick-fil-A spokes-cow has leveled explosive new allegations against Thomas Massie, claiming the congressman not only carried...
Groundbreaking AI Study Resolves MJ vs. LeBron GOAT Debate with Empirical Simulation
Abstract Researchers at the Institute for Objective Athletic Evaluation uploaded every available statistic, play-by-play log, game film, and biomechanical dataset...
Fauci Admits Lab Creation of Coronavirus in Bats, ‘But Would Totes Never Do the Same with Rats’
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Anthony Fauci announced Tuesday that, with the statute of limitations now expired on his prior testimony before...
Evangelicals Finally Find a Graven Image They Can Worship
DORAL, FL — After centuries of staunchly opposing the veneration of religious statues — including centuries of criticism directed at...
Evangelicals Update the Bible: ‘Thou Shalt Have No Graven Images…Except If It’s Gold Plated and Owns the Libs’
DORAL, FL — Following a solemn blessing ceremony at Trump National Doral Miami, evangelical leaders announced a long-overdue clarification to...
Israel Celebrates US-Iran Peace Plan by Bombing the Hell Out of Lebanon
TEL AVIV — Israeli officials announced Thursday that a landmark peace initiative with Iran would be moving forward, marking the...
Kamala Harris Taps AOC as 2028 Running Mate: It’s a No Brainer
WASHINGTON — Former Vice President Kamala Harris announced Tuesday that Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez will join her as the vice presidential...
Kentucky Derby winner declines White House invitation: ‘If I wanted to see a horse’s ass I would’ve come in second’
Jerry Jabba Jr., jockey for the Kentucky Derby winner, has declined an invitation to the White House, saying, "If I...
Judge Overturns Cole Allen’s Failed Assassination Attempt, Grants Him Chance to Retry
WASHINGTON — In a landmark ruling Tuesday, U.S. Magistrate Judge Zia Faruqui vacated the unsuccessful assassination attempt in the criminal...
