NYC to replace Thomas Jefferson statue with a statue of George Floyd robbing a pregnant woman at gunpoint
NEW YORK CITY—In a bold move toward modernizing public spaces, New York City has announced plans to replace the statue...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
BREAKING: Biden federalizes Texas National Guard troops, sends them to defend Ukraine’s border
WASHINGTON, DC—In an unexpected twist that could rival the most intricate spy novel, President Joe Biden has taken a decisive...
BREAKING: After seeing border crisis first hand in Texas, Biden promises to send $20B more to secure Ukraine’s border
EL PASO—President* Joe Biden walked a muddy stretch of the U.S.-Mexico border and inspected a busy port of entry Sunday on his...
SCOTUS rules that razor wire can only be used to protect politicians from US citizens, not the US from invasion
WASHINGTON, DC—In a groundbreaking decision that left border security advocates scratching their heads and politicians breathing sighs of relief, the...
TRANS WIN: Sports Illustrated replaces entire staff with people who are fired but identify as employed
In a stunning twist that has left the media industry scratching its collective head, Sports Illustrated has chosen to revolutionize...
BREAKING: Ted Cruz releases letter officially endorsing Donald Trump for president
In a surprising twist of political theater, Senator Ted Cruz has released a letter officially endorsing former President Donald Trump...
BREAKING: Billionaires fly private jets to Davos to lecture everyone else about reducing their emissions
DAVOS, SWITZERLAND—Hundreds of the world's richest people have flown their private jets to this luxury Alpine ski resort in order...
Greta Thunberg’s Global Warming Conference cancelled due to sub-arctic freezing temps
A symposium sponsored by the International Global Warming Trust was cancelled today in Michigan as temperatures dipped below -50 degrees...
BREAKING: Fox News unanimously declares Jeb Bush the winner of the 2024 Iowa Caucases
DES MOINES—In a bizarre turn of events, Fox News has taken a bold leap into the realm of speculative journalism...
Nation shocked that 2024 Miss America winner is an actual woman
In a plot twist that has left the nation in collective disbelief, this year's Miss America pageant concluded with the...
