John Deere changes its name to John Queere
In a shocking and unexpected turn of events, John Deere, the iconic American agricultural machinery manufacturer, has officially changed its...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
Gretchen Whitmer sports new name (Whitler) and mustache as she forms one-party dictatorship in Michigan
LANSING, MI—In a stunning display of political innovation and fashion-forward thinking, Governor Gretchen Whitmer has announced her transformation into "Whitler,"...
Republicans vow to write even more strongly-worded letters in retirement if Democrats allow illegals to vote in 2024 election
WASHINGTON, DC—In a bold and unprecedented move, a group of Republican congressmen have vowed to up the ante in their...
BREAKING: France surrenders to invading migrants
PARIS—Anxious to finally surrender to someone for the first time in years, the French government has officially announced its surrender...
Pope Francis excommunicates Archbishop Viganò for being ‘too Catholic’
Pope Francis has officially excommunicated Archbishop Carlo Maria Viganò for being "too Catholic," leaving the disgraced cleric to fend for...
BREAKING: Obama officially cuts off Biden’s adrenochrome supply
WASHINGTON, DC—Former President Barack Obama has officially announced that he is cutting off President Joe Biden's adrenochrome supply, leaving the...
Biden wishes Americans a happy ‘Dependence Day’
WASHINGTON, DC--Following on his predecessor Barack Obama's tradition, President* Joe Biden wished every American a "Happy Dependence Day" this July...
BREAKING: Biden has been informed that he ‘definitely’ wants to stay in the presidential race
WASHINGTON, DC—In a stunning yet not entirely surprising development, President* Joe Biden has confirmed his unwavering commitment to the 2024...
Harris removes racist white stripes from US flag in time for 4th of July
WASHINGTON, DC—Following up on a campaign promise to remove the racist white stripes from the US flag, President Vice President...
