BREAKING: Mark Cuban denies that he’s Rosie O’Donnell and Rachel Maddow’s lesbian love child
Dallas, TX — Billionaire entrepreneur and owner of the Dallas Mavericks, Mark Cuban, has publicly denied persistent rumors that he...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
BREAKING: Kamala Harris fires her speechwriter Jar Jar Binks
Washington, D.C. — In a surprising shake-up within the Harris-Walz 2024 campaign, Vice President Kamala Harris has officially parted ways...
Harris Promises That Any Americans Who Die In WWIII Won’t Have To Repay Their Student Loans
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following President* Biden's plan, Vice President* Kamala Harris has assured the public that any U.S. citizens who...
HISTORIC: Jimmy Carter Becomes First Deceased President to Vote for Kamala Harris in 2024
PLAINS, GA — In a stunning and unprecedented act of civic participation, former President Jimmy Carter has become the first...
Netflix releases new documentary: Christopher Columbus: the First African American
LOS ANGELES — In a bold reimagining of history, Netflix announced the release of its latest documentary, Christopher Columbus: The...
Elizabeth Warren takes 1/1024th of the day off to celebrate Indigenous People’s Day
Most people are aware that Sen. Elizabeth Warren, front runner for the 2020 Democratic nomination for president, is a true...
Kamala Harris sacrifices 666 innocent people to Aztec sun god to celebrate Indigenous Peoples’ Day instead of that evil Columbus Day
WASHINGTON, DC—In a bold and historic gesture, Vice President Kamala Harris marked this year’s Indigenous People’s Day with a dazzling...
BREAKING: Scientists have finally isolated ‘pure cringe’ and have immediately started using it in the Harris-Walz campaign
In a groundbreaking discovery that could only be described as "nails on a chalkboard for the soul," a team of...
BREAKING: Mayorkas says that FEMA has investigated itself and found it has done nothing wrong
WASHINGTON, DC—In a development sure to restore America’s unwavering confidence in government self-oversight, Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas triumphantly announced...
Climate Goddess Greta Thunberg declares Hurricane Milton will spare followers’ homes if they paint their doors with aborted fetus blood
Climate Goddess Greta Thunberg has issued an urgent decree to her devout followers: **Hurricane Milton will bypass their homes—**if they...
