BREAKING: Scientists have finally isolated ‘pure cringe’ and have immediately started using it in the Harris-Walz campaign
In a groundbreaking discovery that could only be described as "nails on a chalkboard for the soul," a team of...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
BREAKING: Mayorkas says that FEMA has investigated itself and found it has done nothing wrong
WASHINGTON, DC—In a development sure to restore America’s unwavering confidence in government self-oversight, Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas triumphantly announced...
Climate Goddess Greta Thunberg declares Hurricane Milton will spare followers’ homes if they paint their doors with aborted fetus blood
Climate Goddess Greta Thunberg has issued an urgent decree to her devout followers: **Hurricane Milton will bypass their homes—**if they...
BREAKING: Kamala Harris shows off her favorite Glock to prove she’s not anti-gun
WASHINGTON, DC—In an unexpected and awkward press conference, Vice President Kamala Harris finally addressed her controversial comments about being a...
Starbucks Unveils new ‘Kamala Word Salad’ with a few shreds of lettuce topped with verbal diarrhea
Starbucks, the coffee giant known for staying on the pulse of cultural trends, has unveiled its latest culinary masterpiece: the...
JUST IN: Kamala Harris reassures Hurricane victims that she was the first VP to tour an abortion facility
In an emotional press conference today, Vice President Kamala Harris offered comfort to the victims of Hurricane Helene by reminding...
BREAKING: Florida chooses possible starvation over vegan meats as Hurricane Milton approaches
Grocery shelves across Florida are closing up shop in preparation for a category 5 hurricane Milton. The ones that are...
BREAKING: Korean flamethrower squirrels have reached the US
Hot on the heals of the dual plagues of COVID-19 and the Asian murder hornets, Korean flamethrower squirrels have reached...
BREAKING: Buttigieg requires all vehicles bringing aid to hurricane victims to be electric cars
In a bold and forward-thinking move that has left disaster relief teams scrambling, Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg has announced that...
BREAKING: Truckers sneak hurricane relief into North Carolina by disguising aid as ‘Illegal Immigrants’ to outwit federal roadblocks
CHARLOTTE, NC — In a brazen display of disrespect to federal agencies, truckers across the U.S. have joined forces to...
