Democratic socialist presidential candidate Bernie Sanders made a bold pandering effort on Monday, promising to make everyone who has paid off their student debt in a responsible manner to pay for everyone who hasn’t.
“This is a great way to buy votes with other people’s money ostensibly for the common good of more education. It’s just great to see people with quality, market-driven degrees who have worked hard to pay them off paying more for people who have no hope of paying their Gender Studies Master degree off with their Starbucks job,” political analyst Jim Acosted said.
Sanders announced his legislation alongside progressive lawmakers, including Reps. Pramila Jayapal (D-Wash.), Ilhan Omar (D-Minn.) and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-N.Y.), all of whom have a lot of student debt themselves.
“No one deserves to be burdened with the weight of student debt,” Bernie continued, “That is unless it’s someone else’s debt and they’ve already paid off their own. Then they should be burdened with the weight of student debt!”
Many graduates with ridiculous degrees are ecstatic. “I didn’t realize I had to actually pay for the loans in the first place,” Mindy Lowque said.
Everyone who owes a student loan would be eligible, regardless of their income or the dumb ass degree that they spent hundreds of thousands of dollars to get.
The process is fairly straightforward: the outstanding student loans on the books would be transferred to people who have no student loans.
“Yeah it’s a burden for the people who will be taking on others’ educational mistakes, but hey, that’s socialism!” Acosted added.