WASHINGTON, DC—President Joe Biden announced his Top Ten demands for Russia and Putin as tensions at the Ukraine border escalate:

1). Parking spot 50 meters or less from Kremlin front door.

2). Test Russia’s new Zircon hypersonic missile on Trump

3). Make Hunter Biden new Russian ‘Secretary of Big Stuff’

4). Let Biden win in “Pissing Contest’ at this years climate summit.

5). Explain those damned wooden Russian Dolls inside each other.

6). Lifetime membership to Caviar of the Month, club.

7). Lower the price on Vodka (the good stuff)

8). Take it easy on the trans athletes at the China Olympics.

9). No more socks, at Christmas

and oh yeah,
10). If you’re going to invade the Ukraine, for Pete’s sake, wipe your feet first!

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Gumpers

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