SHEBOYGAN, WI—As the Trump campaign visits multiple states a day in the last days of the election, Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden is quieting all doubters about his mental and physical fitness by confirming that he is in three states at once.

“Trump think he’s physically fit to travel to two different states or three different states each day leading up to the election, well our guy—”the Big Guy” as we like to call him—is in three states at once,” Biden campaign director Dirk Digler said.

Trump visited the states of Florida, North Carolina, and Pennsylvania today while Biden visited the state of Wisconsin while simultaneously being in the state of confusion and in a state of denial.

“Biden is absolutely capable of handling the pressures of the presidency. If he can be in a state of confusion, denial, while giving a speech with at least three coherent thoughts in Wisconsin, he’s clearly able to handle anything they throw at him.”

The Biden campaign said there will put a lid on putting a lid on things.

“We’re going to try to get the old sack of potatoes in another state at once too,” Digler added.

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Jeremy Spoken

None of the snowflakes in an avalanche feels responsible.

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