WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden denied that there is massive inflation and pointed to the stock market crash as proof that things are cheaper.

“Look, I am a penny pincher myself. I understand how to rub two pennies together and get a wet ear. But there is no inflation out there. There just isn’t. I mean just look at the stock market. Stocks are 25% cheaper now than at the beginning of the year!” Biden said at a press conference.

The US Treasury, which has recently released a new design for the $1 bill stated that lower stock prices means lower inflation and that they will start including these prices in total CPI figures.

“It’s actually really smart to include lower stock prices in inflation. If you take that into account, there is virtually no inflation in the country whatsoever,” Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen said.

Biden did admit that some prices are higher.

“Sure, Putin made oil and food prices go up, but you can’t blame me for that!” Biden said. “But I am going to take full credit for the cheaper stock prices. That was all me!”

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