WASHINGTON, DC—President-elect Joe Biden has finally finished reading the bestselling governing how-to manual “Nineteen Eighty-Four” and has already started implementing some of its innovative policy suggestions.

“I admit it’s taken me a while to get around to reading the governing instruction manual because I don’t read too good,” Biden admitted in a press conference. “But I’ve finally finished the manual and will start implementing the policies immediately.”

One of the first things that the Biden administration will do is to memory hole the previous president.

“With my friends at Google, Apple, and Twitter, we are nearly finished inpersoning the former president, who some have dated to call Donald Trump. As we all know, the last president was Barack Obama and anyone who says different is an enemy to democracy.”

Biden has tapped Twitter’s Jack Dorsey as the head of the administration’s new Ministry of Truth that will handle all such procedures.

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