Biden: ‘If you don’t vote for me, you ain’t dead’

US—The DNC launched a new campaign to increase one of their most dependable voting demographics: the dead. “Vote for Joe Biden” signs are appearing in cemeteries across the nation.

In an interview with Peter Jennings (1938-2005), Biden said, “If you’re having trouble deciding between me and Trump, you ain’t dead!” suggesting that all dead people should and will be voting for Biden.

Strategists confirmed this is the DNC’s latest attempt at bringing in new voters.

“We’re expecting huge numbers of first-time dead voters this election so we’re really focusing on reaching out to the recently deceased,” said DNC strategist Janet Schultz.

“Mail-in voting will enable thousands, perhaps millions of the dead community to participate in our democracy. Paid volunteers are canvassing their resting places as we speak.”

CNN asked the former vice president to comment. Biden responded via webcam from his basement, “What most people don’t know, is that unlike African-Americans, with notable exceptions, the dead community is an incredibly diverse community. With incredibly different attitudes about different things.”

“If ya don’t vote for Biden you ain’t dead!” the Democrat Presidential candidate said before the feed was lost.