WASHINGTON, DC–President* Biden has issued a rare edict mandating that all Americans have marbles shoved up their asses to fight the deadly COVID Delta variant. He said he got the idea from a tweet by rapper and producer Nicki Minaj.
“I wasn’t really sure what she was talking about,” Biden admitted between licks of ice cream while on vacation at Camp David, “but I thought, hey, that’s a really good idea. Marbles up your ass for everyone!”
A White House official told NBC News that a call was “offered” to Minaj to discuss questions about other great ideas she had in fighting the COVID pandemic.
“She clearly knows what she’s talking about,” White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki said. “We’d like more health ideas along the lines of marbles up people’s asses.”
Minaj explained that she was not actually suggesting that people put marbles up their asses but instead was using it as an argumentum absurdum to point out the double standard.
“We don’t care. It’s a genius idea,” Biden said.