WASHINGTON, DC—For the one-year anniversary of “15 Days to Flatten the Curve”, President Biden promises to release the citizens of the United States briefly on the 4th of July if they practice good behavior.

“I know it’s been a difficult year but there’s hope. If we all take the vaccine I singlehandedly created in my basement during the campaign, I should be able to release you for one day on the 4th of July to celebrate, you know the thing,” Biden said.

Call it a furlough or a recess from prison, this is good news for us plebes.

Nothing lets the veil slip to reveal the enthusiastic power grabs of Democrat politicians quite like pandemic panic, or so it seems. Americans all over the US are protesting these increasingly tyrannical restrictions on basically every activity on which America defined itself.

Take Governor Gretchen Whitmer of Michigan, for instance, who banned purchasing seeds and paint, since they declared non-essential goods, and then banned gatherings of any sort while forcing her constituency into social isolation. Scary times indeed, but the question remains: what are we afraid of, a virus, or a fascist police state. Other benevolent blue states have called on citizens to report their neighbors for breaking quarantine rules, and even outlawed fishing.

After letting COVID-positive illegal immigrants pour into the US unfettered, Biden is maintaining a strict lockdown for citizens.

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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