WASHINGTON, DC—President Biden signed an executive order today changing the national motto from ‘In G-D We Trust’ to ‘In Gov We Trust’.
“I believe the change was necessary to reflect changing times,” Biden said in front of a portrait of the devil. “G-D just isn’t as powerful and trustworthy as He used to be. He’s sinking rapidly in the polls.
“But not so the government. The government is the most omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent of all beings in the universe, and its wisdom, kindness, compassion, and trustworthiness are unparalleled by anyone anywhere – even surpassing G-D Himself. I implore my fellow Americans, therefore, to abandon their false gods and place their total trust and confidence in the god of all gods – the government.”
A heavenly spokes-angel responded to Biden’s executive order, stating in part, “It is indisputable that G-D is the epitome of perfection, beyond reproach and incapable of being overthrown or supplanted by any being or entity, human or otherwise. If these Democrats of flesh and blood continue their profane and blasphemous assault on the Holy One any further, G-D will cancel humanity once and for all. #cancelculture”
In response to the spokes-angel’s reply, Biden signed another executive order banning G-D from any further travel between Heaven and Earth.