A Bernie Sanders speech at a Democratic Socialists of America meeting was interrupted earlier this week when the Prince of Darkness himself made a surprise speaking appearance. In his speech, he congratulated the audience on their devotion to an ideology that violates all seven of the deadly sins at the same time.
“You guys really impress me,” the fallen angel began. “Really, how’d you manage to convince people that you deserve to have everything you want at their expense while offering nothing in return? That’s like a Greed, Envy, and Sloth gangbang!”
Satan gave a special shout out to the Antifa members in the crowd. “You guys are the real heroes. Loving all that unbridled Wrath and Lust for power! You show those innocent bystanders and shop windows whose boss!”
The Tempter of Men became choked up when addressing the national debt.
“I thought I’d seen the extent of human Gluttony, but I never imagined humans were capable of 22-trillion-in-unfunded-liabilities Gluttony. Give yourselves a round of applause!”
The audience reluctantly proceeded to throw jazz hands in the air.
“But I think what I like most about you commies is your unwavering Pride,” Satan continued. “Sure, socialism has failed miserably every time it’s tried but you’re going to do it right this time! You’d sooner stack bodies 100 million high before admitting you might be wrong!”
While descending into the fiery chasm he tore open in the floor, Satan reminded the audience to keep practicing their jazz hands. “You’ll be doing an awful lot of that the next time I see you all! Ciao!”