WASHINGTON, DC—After a successful withdrawal and surrender to Taliban forces in Afghanistan, US President* Joe Biden has unilaterally decided to retroactively surrender to Nazi Germany also.

“While we’re at it, we’re going to surrender to Nazi Germany too,” Biden said in a statement just before naptime.

“Our brave soldiers stormed the beaches of Normandy to defeat the horrible foe we know as nazi Germany, but when I became president, a small number of U.S. troops still remained on the ground, in harm’s way, with a looming deadline to withdraw them or go back to open combat

“Since my predecessor is of German heritage, that left Hitler and his men in a really strong position militarily. We have no choice but to leave withdraw our troops from Germany and give the Nazis tillions of dollars in taxpayer money to not hurt us, just like in Afghanistan,” Biden said.

Biden is confident that this paying brutal totalitarian regimes will make them less brutal and totalitarian.

“I’ve instructed Secretary Blinken to write one of those big checks for TV to the last remaining Nazi, George Soros. That way he won’t feel the need to take over the world like the Nazis tried last time,” Biden said.

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