WASHINGTON DC–True to form, president-Elect Joe Biden has threatened to withhold $1 trillion in aid to the United States until the FBI agent investigating his son Hunter Biden is fired.

“Let me be clear,” Biden said, not using a teleprompter. “I’m leaving my basement in six hours. If that agent investigating my son Hunter isn’t fired, the US isn’t getting their money.”

“Well, son of a bitch. He got fired!” Biden said after learning that his expert negotiation skills worked.

This type of negotiation, which would be considered quid pro quo if President Trump had done it was celebrated in the mainstream media.

“The whole Hunter Biden thing is a nothingburger,” CNN anchor Chris Cuomo said. “Kudos to Biden for standing up to the fascists in the Trump administration and holding American taxpayer money hostage asa bargaining chip.”

The event echos a similar event in the Ukraine when Biden was vice president.

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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