BREAKING: DC bombing threat says he doesn’t know why there was an FBI paystub in his car


WASHINGTON, DC—The DC bomb threat suspect has surrendered to law enforcement officials peacefully after threatening on a livestream from his car to blow up “the Congress people!”

Floyd Ray Roseberry, 49, from Grover in southern North Carolina said that he didn’t know why there was an FBI paystub made out to him in his car, visible on his livestream video.

“I never ever worked for the FBI. That would just be weird, because I want to blow them up,” Roseberry said. “They each babies.”

Roseberry was seen crawling away from the truck parked on the pavement outside the Library of Congress, ending the five-hour standoff.

According to sources, Roseberry was acting alone with absolutely no connection to the FBI or the Capitol Police. He had also participated in the January 6 riot at the Capitol and the Gretchen Whitmer kidnapping.

“It’s a good thing that we talked him down,” Capitol Police Spokesman Lylle Winkie said. “We’re still going to have to set up field offices in every state though and increase our budget to $2 trillion.”

This story is developing.


"Excuse me, has this joke been fact-checked?"

Bypass Zuck and his minions and receive hilarious "unauthorized" satire to your inbox, every day.

We don’t spam! Read our privacy policy for more info.