Led by Green New Deal coauthor and scientific mastermind Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, hundreds of climate activists held their breath for over an hour to protest environmental harm done by evil corporations. Over 50 have died from asphyxiation from the stunt.
“It’s totally worth it,” climate activist and Sunrise Chicago member Leah Dipstick said of the deaths. “I mean, we’re all going to die in 11 years and 4 months anyway, so you might as well go out for a good cause!”
Many of the activists have been doing this for weeks already and are substantially brain dead as a result. The ones that didn’t wake up were rushed to the nearby Cook County Hospital in an attempt to be resuscitated.
Teen climate sensation Greta Thunberg was happy to see so many “climate martyrs” as she put it.
“I’m happy to see that the cause is gaining steam. Evil capitalists won’t be able to pollute the world anymore if we all kill ourselves from holding our breath!”
It is reported that many Climate Strike protests increase the amount of greenhouse gasses that are released into the air, so activists are trying to offset that by holding their breath 4 hours a day.