Ocasio-Cortez’ Green New Deal requires everyone hold their breath 4 hours a day

New York Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who recently announce the world is going to end in 12 years if we don’t address climate change, offered a bold plan to reduce carbon emissions and improve our economy all at the same time. But while most people have zeroed in on the clause granting economic security to people who are “unwilling” to work, one clause could be more important.

“We believe that everyone’s going to have to reduce their carbon output,” Ocasio-Cortez said in a press conference after the announcement, “and one of the things that will help is if everyone just holds their breath for 4 hours a day.”

“Not only does it reduce your carbon footprint, but it makes your face green, which is kinda cool,” she added.

The plan has received mixed reviews.

Senator Bernie Sanders, a fellow democratic socialist said it was a great idea. “I hold my breath 6 hours a day already and that means I’m more econological than–” Sanders passed out and was rushed to the hospital.

Carbon dioxide is a natural byproduct of human metabolism. We take in oxygen and exhale CO2, a greenhouse gas.

People held signs stating, “BREATHLESS NOT EARTHLESS” behind Ocasio-Cortez during the announcement.

Many people are skeptical of the plan. “This is just going to kill everyone off,” Roger Yogi said. “Maybe that’s their plan.”


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