TALLAHASSEE—The state of Florida has invaded the sovereign nation of Ukraine so that CNN will leave them too. Florida also plans on ABC, BBC, Facebook, and Twitter to boycott the state as well.
“We saw all the fake news organizations and social media apps leaving and boycotting Russia after their invasion into Ukraine and we thought, that’s not a bad thing. That’s actually a really good thing, so we decided to invade Ukraine also,” Florida Governor Ron DeSantis said.
The Floridian invasion will consist of Florida Man with several million bottle rockets and a plastered Jimmy Buffett.
“We’ll get some nice Summer property up in Ukraine and we won’t have to worry about all the fake news agencies spreading misinformation here anymore. That’s a win-win,” DeSantis said.
Many more states may follow if this is successful. Already the governors of Texas, Alabama, New Hampshire, and Wyoming have said they’d like to have CNN, ABC, Facebook, and Twitter boycott their states as well.
“Look, we don’t want to hurt anyone. We just want to get rid of CNN,” DeSantis added.