WILMINGTON, DE–Just days after the mainstream media declared Joe Biden the president-elect, he created a vaccine for COVID-19 that experts say is 90 percent effective.

“This tells you what kind of amazing person Joe Biden is,” impartial CNN anchor Chris Cuomo said of the discovery. “Joe is in his basement during the whole campaign and people were calling him names, saying he was senile and then bam! He cures COVID. The man is a true saint.”

False media reports have hinted that Pfizer developed the vaccine, but that is right-wing propaganda. The media have declared Biden the inventor of the vaccine, so that’s the end of the story.

Unfortunately, Biden says that he’s not going to release the vaccine for public consumption until President Trump concedes, which is looking doubtful.

“You see all the great things that I provide this great country? But only if I’m president,” Biden said in a press conference announcing the invention.

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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