In a surprising move, President Joe Biden has officially re-entered the 2024 presidential race, just days after watching Vice President Kamala Harris’s disastrous interview with Brett Baier. According to sources close to the administration, Biden made the decision while shouting at his television, “Aw, hell, I can do better than that!”

The Brett Baier interview, which critics are calling a “masterclass in incoherent deflection,” featured Harris struggling to answer basic questions about immigration, inflation, and whether water is wet. At one point, Harris attempted to explain inflation by saying, “The thing about inflation is, you know, it’s inflating, and that’s, uh, important for people to… understand inflating things, Brett.”

Within minutes of the interview airing, Democratic donors reportedly began speed-dialing Biden to reconsider his withdrawal. “Joe may forget where he is, but at least he knows when to stop talking,” one top strategist said.

Biden, after watching the spectacle with a bowl of ice cream in hand, turned to Jill and said, “Get me my aviators, honey. The country’s gonna need me again.”

In a hastily arranged press conference the following morning, Biden addressed the media. “Look, folks. I know Kamala’s doing her best, God love her, but she’s just, uh… you know, it’s… well, let’s just say it’s not easy, okay?” Biden said, before wandering offstage mumbling something about Scranton and how Baier “isn’t a bad guy if you get to know him.”

The Harris Campaign Responds
A spokesperson for Harris dismissed Biden’s decision as “irrelevant” and suggested that it was “just another example of toxic white male energy.” “The Vice President is focused on her message,” the spokesperson explained. “Which is, uh, you know, building bridges, turning pages, and empowering the future through… words.”

However, Biden’s re-entry has sparked immediate panic within the Democratic National Committee, which was already scrambling to manage Harris’s public appearances. “We’re now actively looking for ways to keep both of them off-camera,” confessed one exhausted staffer.

“Kamala Wasn’t That Bad,” Says Baier (Barely)
Brett Baier himself weighed in, telling reporters that Harris “didn’t exactly do great,” but admitted, “Honestly, it was like watching someone wrestle with invisible jelly.”

Meanwhile, the Republican National Committee issued a brief statement: “We love where this is headed.”

About Author

Exavier Saskagoochie

Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He’s really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!

See author's posts