KANSAS CITY, MO—Chiefs Quarterback Patrick Mahomes has left training camp and says he will “not play another down in the NFL” until his team changes its name to the Kansas City White CEOs and the mascot to a white businessman.

“I woke up this morning and literally started throwing up. I’m so disgusted with myself for playing for a team with a racist name,” Mahomes said. “The only solution to this is to remove the name and brand that honors Native Americans to one that honors European American CEOs.”

The team’s upper management capitulated immediately and agreed to Mahomes’s terms.

“We have agreed to Mahomes’s terms because we love enabling emotional terrorism,” the Kansas City White CEOs President Mark Donovan said at a press conference immediately following Mahomes’s conference.

Donovan made it clear that the new mascot, Gary the CEO is gay, since the entire NFL is gay.

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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