BREAKING: Millions of Americans shocked to discover lots of people disagree with them

(CNN) A day after the national election, millions of Americans were shocked to discover that lots of people disagree with them.

“I just can’t believe that everyone doesn’t agree with me about everything,” complained a barista in Seattle. “I mean everyone in my social bubble—everyone I socialize with—thinks the exact same way. I don’t understand why people in different places don’t.”

The shock has been extremely profound in the aftermath of yet another polarized presidential election, which still appears hotly contested.

Several people were seen howling into the sky for hours in Wyoming after the realization set in. Another group in Pittsburgh was seen self-immolating in protest of people having different opinions than they had.

“We are going to light ourselves on fire if everyone doesn’t start agreeing with everything we say all the time!”

“Am I in the Twilight Zone or something?” an Austin native asked rhetorically between bites of brisket. “How can there be so many people out there that disagree with me?”

This shock wave has been felt particularly hard by people in the younger generations, many of which assert that everyone that disagrees with them on social media are Russian bots.


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