WASHINGTON, DC—In a stunning display of governmental efficiency and creativity, the Department of Fabrication (DoF) has released a new set of climate data that miraculously aligns with a forecast they themselves concocted last week. This groundbreaking achievement in data manipulation was announced during a press conference where the Secretary of Make-Believe, John Q. Fakie, proudly declared, “We’ve truly outdone ourselves this time.”

The new data, which includes temperature readings from non-existent weather stations in the cloud cities of “Nimbusville” and “Cumulus Heights,” shows a warming trend so perfectly aligned with the forecast that even Mother Nature herself would be impressed—if she existed, according to the DoF’s latest narrative.

“We’ve managed to predict the future by simply writing it down,” said Fakie, with a grin that could only be described as meteorologically mischievous. “Our climate models are now so accurate because we’ve decided what the climate will be. It’s a revolutionary approach in science, or what we like to call ‘science’.”

Critics, or as the DoF refers to them, “reality enthusiasts,” have pointed out several minor inconsistencies, like the fact that the data includes temperatures from the moon and a few from Mars. “It’s all about expanding our horizons,” retorted Fabricator. “Why limit ourselves to Earth when we can have a multi-planetary climate crisis?”

The fabricated forecast includes such gems as “snow in July for the Sahara” and “a hurricane season featuring the first ever Category 6 storm, named ‘Hurricane Improbable’.” These predictions are part of the government’s new initiative to “shock and awe” the public into caring about climate change by making it sound like a blockbuster movie plot.

In response to the overwhelming public demand for authenticity, the DoF has also introduced a new line of weather apps. “Weather or Not,” the app promises to deliver daily forecasts based on what the government wishes the weather would be, rather than what it actually is. Users can enjoy features like “Mood-Based Weather” where the forecast adjusts to your emotional state. Feeling down? Expect rain. Feeling sunny? Well, you guessed it.

Environmental activists have mixed reactions. Some applaud the creativity, suggesting it might finally get people to talk about climate change, even if it’s to debunk the nonsense. Others are less amused, with one stating, “If we’re going to fabricate something, can it at least be solutions rather than problems?”

In related news, the DoF is hiring for a new position, “Chief Weather Dreamer,” whose primary job will be to dream up even more imaginative climate scenarios. Applicants need not have any scientific background but must possess an overactive imagination and a disdain for reality.

As the world grapples with actual climate change, one can only hope that this satirical twist on government transparency doesn’t become the new norm. Or perhaps, in this brave new world of fabricated data, we’ll all just learn to enjoy the weather, whatever the government says it might be.

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