BREAKING: Nike to stop making shoes, focus only on knee pads

Following a rough year after hiring failed NFL player-turned social justice warrior Colin Kaepernick, the athletics apparel brand Nike has decided to stop making athletic shoes and will focus on knee pads.

“We’re confident that the industry as a whole will be moving in this direction eventually and we’re actually ahead of the curve on this,” Nike CEO Buster FitzJacky said.

The company lost $4.3 billion in market capitalization following the announcement.

“We believe that people don’t want to actually play sports anymore. They just want to complain about imaginary issues. And these people are going to need a lot of knee pads.”

The newest knee pad line is called “The Kaepernick” will keep you on your knees all game and and comes with a pink slip for those really bad players-activists.