BREAKING: Trump fires Bolton for choosing Popeyes over Chik-fil-A in the chicken wars

WASHINGTON—President Trump dismissed John Bolton, his national security adviser, after a contentious debate about chicken sandwiches.

Trump tweeted, “I informed John Bolton last night that his services are no longer needed at the White House. His choosing Popeyes over Chik-fil-A was the last straw.”

Reports show that the ouster was supposed to have happened months ago and that, due to a glitch in payroll, Bolton was still receiving checks after he was demoted to the Pentagon basement.

“Popeyes must win the chicken wars,” Bolton kept muttering as he left the Pentagon this morning.

“I distinctly heard him say that he had funded Popeyes in the chicken war for months,” an analyst who refused to be identified said.

Bolton’s latest feud with President Trump involved his desire to nuke the entire country of Iran after a mysterious actor was caught bombing a tanker off the coast of the country.