LONDON—Queen Elizabeth, commenting on how her great, great, great, great, grandfather, King George IV, f*** up, giving the colonies away so easily, has ordered British tanks to surround Washington D.C.

The U.K. military will mass tanks on the U.S. / Canadian border and advance in a 100 mile long column using the appropriate social distancing.

The White House revealed President Biden was hastily awoken from his afternoon nap and informed of the developments. His State of the Union speech, adding this latest catastrophe to the list of President Trumps failures clarifies any potential blame Fox News might try to toss his way. Press Secretary, Jen Psaki assures Americans not to worry, we will retaliate with the leftover sanctions that haven’t already been used up on Russia.

The Queen of England stipulated that the original 13 colonies must capitulate reminding that Britain also has nuclear capabilities and will bomb us just like Bob Hope bombed at her 25th Jubilee party.

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Gumpers

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