US—Hospitals across the country have recently been inundated with patients who have been exposed to a new threatening exposure to free speech on Twitter ever since Elon Musk bought the company just a week ago.

“We’ve never seen anything like it,” Johns Peterkins of Nashville General Hospital explained. “Despite ample inoculation through primary education and the media, Twitter users and especially Blue Checkmarks are suffering major trauma by seeing differing opinions and even criticism for their stupid-ass ideas.”

The problem is scary. Symptoms include dehydration, diarrhea , and PTSD-like-symptoms from live encounters with CIS-gendered men with natural hair color.

Vanderbilt student Nicole House is one of the patients taken in at Nashville General.

“Twitter was the last refuge for elitist antifascist fascists like me. We got rid of all the wrong think for a reason!” House said.

_{Originally published April 26, 2022.}

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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