Joining the 15 million other candidates for president in 2020, movie titan Tom Cruise has decided to run, literally.

He announced the campaign in epic fashion in the California desert:

No polls have been released including the third-party candidate, but Cruise is expected to win based on his service as a Navy pilot and a vampire.

His slogan is, “America, you complete me.”

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Exavier Saskagoochie

Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He’s really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!

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