WASHINGTON, DC—Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg pointed to homophobia as the reason for America’s current supply chain issues during an appearance on MSDNC’s Morning Fellatio on Wednesday.
“Clearly, most roads in America are racist and homophobic because they’re made of black asphalt and that is directly causing the delays in the supply chain we’re seeing,” Buttigieg said. “I’m going to fix that by spending over $10 trillion of the $1.75 trillion infrastructure bill to make all the highways and interstates in the US gay.”
The plan involves turning every highway and interstate into a glowing rainbow flag.
“That way, everyone who drives on it can clearly see that the highway is gay,” Buttigieg said.
Buttigieg also plans on adding millions of dollars in mood lighting and sex toys to rest stop bathrooms to make gays feel more comfortable in them.
“Highway rest stop bathrooms can be dirty, smelly, and just plain yucky,” Buttigieg said. “Who wants to have sex in a place like that? Not me! That’s why my administration will be adding appropriate mood lighting and fun sex toys to make the experience memorable.”
Buttigieg stated that all highways will now be biways and they will all “go both ways”.