SACREMENTO, CA—Governor Gavin Newsom signed into law a mandate that requires all stores sell a gender-neutral “My Little Communist” action figure.
The legislation only pertains to stores that sell goods targeted at children (per California standards), including toys, food, hygiene, sports, education, sex toys and birth control.
Linda Trosgy, a Democrat state assemblywoman who authored the bill, said the purpose was to “educate young comrades about the glory of communism.” She later explained, “Once every child purchases a figure for only $29.99 plus tax shall capitalism be defeated.”
The historically accurate toys are sold with no accessories or vehicles. Randomly selected packages come with a plastic slice of bread and and a replica light-up telephone to report play-time neighbors to the authorities for wrong-think.
“Our toys are designed to instill collectivism, not nationalism, into the children,” said the assemblywoman. “So the legislation requires all stores to replace G.I. Joes with dildos and marijuana.”
The gender-neutral action-figures will hit empty shelves later this month.
“We need to stop stigmatizing that freedom is good for personkind and teach our children that only government is capable of parental decisions,” Trosgy said. “My hope is this bill will influence Californians to grow up knowing the state will take care of them and the future generations of immigrants that will replace them..”