San Francisco police arrest peaceful shoplifter for not wearing a mask
SAN FRANCISCO—In a startling turn of events, the city of San Francisco has taken a bold step in its ongoing...
California
Biden comforts California flood victims with harrowing tale of his overflowing toilet
In a heartwarming display of empathy and solidarity, President Biden visited flood-ravaged areas in California to comfort victims with a...
BREAKING: California streets ‘never been cleaner’ after hurricane washes away all the poop and needles
LOS ANGELES—In a curious turn of events that has left residents scratching their heads, the streets of California are reportedly...
Arsonist changes name to ‘Climate Change’ so that people can say Climate Change causes wildfires
MAUI, HI—An arsonist who has started several fires in Hawaii, Oregon, and California has legally changed his name to "Climate...
California bans the use of the number 2 as being hateful against non-binary children
SACRAMENTO—In a groundbreaking move to promote inclusivity and protect sensitive individuals, the state of California has announced a ban on...
BREAKING: California launches guaranteed income program for all human turds in the state
California has launched a guaranteed income program for the state's human turd residents to help with financial insecurity. Governor Gavin Newsom...
Newsom unveils bold plan for free 100% renewable energy for California
SACRAMENTO—Governor Gavin Newsom is sick and tired of waiting for the federal government to lead the way in fighting climate...
California mandates gas generators to charge electric vehicles amid strained power grid
SACRAMENTO—California Governor Gavin Newsom has signed a law requiring electric vehicle owners to buy mobile gas generators to charge their...
Gender reveal party delayed 3 years while parents decide identity for child
CALICO, CA—A local gender reveal party has been delayed for three years while the parents decide what identity the child...
Newsom takes break from force-vaccinating people to lecture everyone about bodily autonomy
SACRAMENTO—Governor Gavin Newsom has taken a short break from forcing people to wear masks, stay inside, and getting vaccinated in...
