Millions of Americans excited to host ‘mostly peaceful’ protests on Thanksgiving
SACRAMENTO—Following bans on gatherings for Thanksgiving in states across the country including California and New York, millions of Americans have...
Gavin Newsom
Newsom gives Xi and Biden authentic San Fran experience during APEC, letting them poop on the sidewalk with homeless drug addicts
SAN FRANCISCO—Governor Gavin Newsom, worried that Chinese President Xi Jinping and U.S. President Joe Biden wouldn't get a taste of...
Newsom celebrates Indigenous Peoples’ Day by sacrificing 666 people to climate goddess Greta
SACRAMENTO—California Governor Gavin Newsom will be celebrating Indigenous Peoples' Day at the capitol by sacrificing six unlucky human beings to...
BREAKING: Gavin Newsom appoints Dianne Frankenstein to vacant Senate seat
SACRAMENTO—In a stunning move that left many Californians scratching their heads, Governor Gavin Newsom has appointed none other than Dianne...
Biden comforts California flood victims with harrowing tale of his overflowing toilet
In a heartwarming display of empathy and solidarity, President Biden visited flood-ravaged areas in California to comfort victims with a...
Arsonist changes name to ‘Climate Change’ so that people can say Climate Change causes wildfires
MAUI, HI—An arsonist who has started several fires in Hawaii, Oregon, and California has legally changed his name to "Climate...
California bans the use of the number 2 as being hateful against non-binary children
SACRAMENTO—In a groundbreaking move to promote inclusivity and protect sensitive individuals, the state of California has announced a ban on...
BREAKING: California launches guaranteed income program for all human turds in the state
California has launched a guaranteed income program for the state's human turd residents to help with financial insecurity. Governor Gavin Newsom...
Newsom unveils bold plan for free 100% renewable energy for California
SACRAMENTO—Governor Gavin Newsom is sick and tired of waiting for the federal government to lead the way in fighting climate...
California mandates gas generators to charge electric vehicles amid strained power grid
SACRAMENTO—California Governor Gavin Newsom has signed a law requiring electric vehicle owners to buy mobile gas generators to charge their...
