LOS ANGELES, CA — After years of denying the 20th century Armenian genocide by the Young Turks, Cenk Uygur finally acknowledged the loss of 1.5 million innocent lives.
“Of course I deny any wrongdoing by the Young Turks” Cenk said on his political commentary show. “Everyone knows those sub-human Christians died of COVID-19. Just google it.”
Uygur gave the history lesson on a live broadcast of his show, The Young Turks, bringing in a record-high audience. “The Young Turks didn’t execute Armenians. They were trying to help the Armenians by shooting the virus that lived inside their heads. COVID-19 took their lives” Uygur told his viewers, sweating profusely. “And while the history books might tell you the Young Turks performed mass deportations, they were actually just enforcing social distancing by moving the Armenians into the desert without any food for them to congregate around and spread the virus. They were a very kind and noble group, which is why I named my show after them.”
All 47 viewers were thoroughly convinced.
Following these revelations, Minnesota congresswoman Ilhan Omar proposed federal legislation to recognize COVID-19 as the real perpetrator of the Armenian genocide.