HOLLYWOOD—In what can only be described as a bewildering assault on the auditory senses, Charli XCX took to the stage at this year’s Grammy Awards, turning the prestigious event into what critics are now dubbing a “Porn Show of Noise.” Her performance, featuring hits from her album Brat, was less of a musical journey and more of an experimental cacophony, leaving the audience questioning whether we’ve entered a new era of sound where “annoying noises” pass for music.

Charli, known for her eclectic taste in music that often flirts with the boundaries of what one might consider melody, decided to push the envelope even further. Instead of the usual beats and rhythms, attendees were treated to a medley of what could only be described as the sounds of a futuristic car alarm, a cat in a blender, and perhaps, if we’re being generous, the mating call of an alien species yet to be discovered.

From the audience’s perspective, excitement quickly turned into confusion and then frustration. “I was really excited to see the Charli XCX porn show tonight, but she kept talking and making these horrible noises throughout the performance. ‘Just stop it!’ I kept yelling!” said one attendee, capturing the sentiment of many in the crowd. The performance featured Charli emerging from a black SUV, not unlike a pop star but more akin to a sound engineer testing the limits of human patience. As she transitioned from “Von Dutch” to “Guess,” the crowd was showered not with applause but with an array of undergarments, leading some to wonder if this was a new form of crowd control or simply an innovative way to distract from the auditory assault.

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Critics from across the spectrum had their say. “I thought I was here for music, not a live demonstration of what happens when you let Siri try to DJ,” mused one critic, who seemed to be searching for earplugs during the performance. Another, attempting to find some redeeming quality, noted, “At least the underwear donation was a nice touch, though it’s unclear if they were meant to muffle the noise or just something to hold onto during this sonic ordeal.”

On social media, the reactions were swift and varied. Posts on X ranged from bewildered to outright humorous. “Charli XCX just redefined the term ‘noise pollution’ at the #GRAMMYs. I’m not sure if I should applaud or call the police for a noise violation,” one user tweeted, capturing the mood of many.

In defense, Charli’s team issued a statement, “Charli’s performance was an artistic expression meant to challenge our conventional understanding of music. What some call ‘annoying noises’ others might see as the avant-garde future of sound.”

However, the Grammy audience seemed less convinced. There’s talk of a new award for “Most Innovative Use of Annoyance as Art,” with Charli as the inaugural recipient. Meanwhile, local sound engineers are reportedly in talks with the city council to classify her music under “hazardous noise levels,” suggesting that next year’s performance might require attendees to sign a waiver.

As for Charli, she might just be laughing all the way to the bank, proving once again that in the world of music, there’s no such thing as bad publicity – just different decibels of it. Here’s to hoping next year’s Grammys come with a complimentary set of noise-canceling headphones, just in case.

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