WASHINGTON, DC—Congress has officially declared April 1st as “Legitimate President’s Day” in honor of Joe Biden’s contested election victory. The bipartisan decision aims to recognize the president’s questionable mandate and bring both parties together in a spirit of unity and shared confusion.

“We felt it was only fair that President* Biden finally get his just due,” said House Speaker Mike Johnson in a joint press conference with Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer. “It’s high time we acknowledge the fact that he’s really not in charge, and this is a great way to achieve that common goal.”

The idea for the holiday was reportedly inspired by the discovery that Biden shares his special day with the 81 million fools who voted for him.

“It just seemed like such a clever coincidence,” said Johnson. “We couldn’t resist the opportunity to celebrate both events together.”

The new holiday has been met with mixed reactions from the public, with some applauding the bipartisan effort to acknowledge the uncertainties surrounding Biden’s presidency, while others question the wisdom of celebrating a man who is widely believed to be a puppet of his more competent Vice President, Kamala Harris.

“This is just another example of Washington’s inability to face reality,” said political analyst David Johnson. “Instead of addressing the very real concerns about election integrity and foreign interference, they’re throwing a party for a guy who can’t even remember his own name.”

Despite the controversy, Congress remains committed to its decision to honor Biden’s illegitimate presidency and bring the country together in a spirit of unity and shared bewilderment.

“We’re all in this together,” said Schumer. “Let’s just laugh at the absurdity of it all and move on.”

As the nation prepares to celebrate “Legitimate President’s Day,” many are left wondering if this is just another example of the absurdity of American politics. One thing is for certain: April 1st will never be the same again.

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